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From Bottom to the Top

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"You never knew what lay ahead; the future was one thing that could never be broken, because it had not yet had a chance to be anything."

Growing up in my house was a challenge. In all the classic ways that seem so much more mainstream now, but I promise you are no less tragic and life altering. 

Dysfunction was no stranger to my family, you don't have to be a product of your circumstances, I'm living, breathing proof of that. I too suffered from all the classic symptoms of depression and anxiety, limiting beliefs and no self worth.  It's funny though, despite all my trials and storms there's always been one thing that has rang true to me, I'm a fighter, I don't stay down for too long, in fact I decided to make my mess, my freaking message to the world.  

I suffered PTSD as a result of my home-life and the death of my grandparents left me with debilitating anxiety,  As most people tend to do, I coped by numbing the pain, drugs alcohol, and pills. Which left me broke, shameful and stuck, It wasn't until I was 20 and this dark hair, brown eyed beautiful boy just dropped in my life. The universe truly does have your back if and when you're open to receiving those gifts. Two young lovers both wild and free and trying to find them selves managed to beat the odds even 13 years later. While I was functioning. I was married to the love of my life, I was a mother to two beautiful children I was still struggling. Every day was a struggle. 


I went through life trying to find my way, the need to somehow fit in, let's be real... I've never quite "fit in".  I think that's where I started to see the tiny shifts or messages god was trying to get me to see. You my child were never meant to just survive, you were meant for so much more...The road less traveled on has always been my path. 

- STOP LETTING OTHERS DEFINE ME
Having a child is a gift, I was meant to be this child's mother, here I was once again, letting voices define me and my child, why was I so weak? The words, your son is out of control" "what kind of mother just lets her child get away with that" these words bleed into you in ways people never realize and I realized I needed to become who he needed me to be. I needed to rise up and decide I was strong, I was capable, I was a warrior woman and a warrior mother.  People are animals by nature, we have a human instinct to attack when we feel threatened, which is why a lot of our friends and family didn't understand our son, hell we didn't exactly understand what he needed. But what I did know is that he was a happy, loving, wild spirited child who will move mountains. And I just needed to be okay with who he was because this world is so quick to judge and criticize you for being different. And that was the  realization that I can and did take back my power, it was the wake up call I needed to take a long look in the mirror and say enough.  No one gets to make me or my child feel small.
 

The Ekum Family

It took a decade to understand people, their actions, behaviors and most importantly their words.... it took a book, Braving the Wilderness to change everything in me. This spoke life and meaning back into me, it helped me realize we're all creatures trying to find our own way. the key to happiness, is to create it, believe it and life becomes what you make it.

My past does not define me.

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